COMING SOON!!!!!!

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CHET GOES TO THE LAUNDROMAT …

Come on, man. This ain't funny no more. My leg is falling off.

Dude. Ever hear of a sponge bath?
Waaaagghh! Jane, stop this crazy thing!!!!
Hey man! Wtf?

 

Hey Y’all:

For those of you who had the tenacity and/or high pain tolerance to make it to the final chapter of As the Matzo Ball Turns you may recall my beloved rescue dog Charlie the Australian Cattle Dog and his travel companion and makeshift airbag Chet the Giant Stuffed Monkey. Well, six years have elapsed since our infamous cross country trek that had one journey ending (as well as a book) while another began.

Anyway you look at it, Chet had collected a huge amount of dirt in his snow white fur and was long overdue for a spin in the washing machine along with a nice tumble in an industrial dryer. Remember a clean monkey is a happy monkey!!! Check out the action shots from the local Laundromat that had Charlie taking quite a few whiffs of his now, hygienically compliant friend.

Folks it doesn’t get any more exciting than this. Enjoy!!!!!

~J.R.

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A NIGHT TO REMEMBER!!!!

April 8, 2014 1 comment

Congrats to these very bright students!!!!!

Good times with a great date!!!!
Action shot of me receiving the Maroon and Gold Quill Award!!
Let’s take a pic! Is this guy signing my book or writing his next novel?
Great Music too. First Class All The Way.
Yum. Matzo Ball Soup!!!

To all the fabulous people involved with FOBULA:

Friday April 4, 2014 is a night I will always cherish. It started with a warm reception from the members of the Friends of the Bloomsburg University Library Association the minute my guest Lisa and I arrived and from there the surprises kept coming. While new friendships were being made and wonderful conversations were taking place, two orchestral players, who drove down from Rochester, New York for the event, created a quaint atmosphere inside the lovely Alumni House on campus.

When dinner began I could not believe my eyes … Matzo Ball soup. The eats were amazing and the thoughtfulness involved to include Matzo Ball soup on the menu just blew me away. Members of FOBULA then spoke after specially made cupcakes were passed around for all to nosh on. The speakers were entertaining and very passionate about their respective fields and involvement in the Association. Several students also received awards and financial assistance from the organization.

One of the members, Jim Huber, gave me a warm introduction as the guest speaker for the evening. I forgot to ask him if he’d like to become VP of sales and marketing for As the Matzo Ball Turns. He pitched me and the book better than I ever could have or maybe even more than was deserved.

I felt a real connection to the audience and was very flattered and challenged by the questions that came after the presentation. Then the biggest surprise of all … my first official writing award … The Maroon and Gold Quill Award. I am honored to be in the company of all those before me and all those to follow especially since I was chosen by an amazing group of scholars and individuals. Thank you once again FOBULA!!!!

A book signing took place at the end of the evening which gave me one last opportunity to chit chat with those who hung around to get a personalized copy of the vehicle that has created more great opportunities in my life than anything to date … As the Matzo Ball Turns.

I have included some pictures from the event for your enjoyment. As always, thank you for your interest and support!!!!

~J.R.

 

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A FRIEND OF THE LIBRARY IS A FRIEND OF MINE …

March 23, 2014 2 comments

Hear ye hear ye:

After a long hibernation this winter I have emerged from my man cave to bring you this very exciting announcement. On Friday, April 4th, 2014 I will be the guest speaker at The Bloomsburg Univeristy Friends of the Library event.

Each year the committee selects a Pennsylvania author to speak at their annual event and this spring the man without a plan has been chosen for this prestigious honor. It’s hard to say exactly what will come out of my mouth as I am sure I will even surprise myself but I am looking forward to addressing the distinguished members of this generous and charitable organization nonetheless.

I’ve had the priviledge of communicating with a few of the members via telephone and email and quite honestly I may be in a little over my head on this one. I’ll most certainly be the dimmest bulb in the room. But as I like to say, “You can learn a lot from a dummy,” and hopefully the esteemed guests attending the event feel the same way, or at least throw back enough coffee to stay awake during the presentation.

If you are attending the event I look forward to meeting you there. I will be selling copies of As the Matzo Ball Turns with a portion of the proceeds going towards the library.

Thank you again and I look forward to seeing you on the 4th.

~J.R.

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AS THE MATZO BALL TURNS VS OBAMACARE

Let’s say a law is passed that makes it mandatory for everyone to buy my book “As the Matzo Ball Turns.” You can purchase it from Amazon, Barnes and Noble etc. for slightly different prices and receive it via different delivery methods but you must buy it nonetheless. What is to stop me from raising the price of the book? What if I raise the price to $250 but you think you are getting it for three dollars because you don’t see the hidden costs (taxes) you are paying when you shell out more to go see a movie, rent a DVD, go bowling, buy a tangerine etc. Now maybe in the goodness of my heart I truly want to keep my price at $18.95 but part of the law states that I can only use Pelosi Publishing to print the book. (But we have to pass the bill first so we know what’s in it.) The costs at this particular publishing house do not allow me to keep my book priced at $18.95 because of the ridiculous charge for the publishing services. Who is going to absorb that cost? Yeah, that’s right, you the dupe. Now let’s also say this mandatory law to buy my book includes any future spinoffs that I write. What incentive do I have to write the next great American novel? Ah, you guessed it, none at all.

Okay, now that this law is in effect we need people to read the book, understand it and familiarize themselves with the pitch line so they can explain it to others and tell everyone in America where and how they can get it. Then we need people to take orders, mail out literature on the new law concerning my book, we need people in payroll, we need accountants to keep track of costs, we need a department (The Department of the Matzo Balls) to make sure the program is running effectively and that people have a place to complain about the bluntness of the humor etc. Then we need boots on the ground enforcing the new law to make sure everyone in America owns a copy of As the Matzo Ball Turns. This same team must use fear and intimidation to coerce people into buying my book because maybe there are just some people out there who could give a rats ass about the inner machinations of Hollywood and the restaurant business and will only buy it if there is a steep fine attached for failing to do so.

Now, let’s also say that As the Matzo Ball Turns becomes an overnight success and everybody wants a copy yesterday. And in the midst of this feeding frenzy there are some who’s very lives may be saved from reading this book. But, demand is too high in relation to the supply. Who gets the book first? Who chooses?

And speaking of political favors, what if I have a creative difference with the law maker responsible for this new law. Now, suddenly he wants someone who will write about his days as a Congressman before and after he got caught sending pictures of his private parts to young girls. He wants someone to capture his story and decides to bring in his cousin Spanky who knows him better than anyone. Soon only Spanky’s books will be purchased because other writers will not be able to entice us to buy their products due to the rising costs we are forced to pay for Spanky’s books.

Isn’t it better for everybody when we chose which books we want to buy and how much we are willing to pay for them? Although in the case of As the Matzo Ball Turns this should be mandatory reading for anyone who dines out in public or has hidden aspirations for a life of fame and fortune in film and television. But I would fight to the death for you to have the right to choose to buy it over being forced to purchase it. That’s what makes me a true American!

~J.R.

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SHOW YOUR CHICKEN ARM 4 CHARITY!!!!!

July 18, 2013 2 comments

Dear Disenfranchised Blog Reader:

Are you tired of getting these annoying updates telling you where the next big book signing is going to be?  Have you reached your limit with witty humor and snippy comments? Well then, here’s your chance to get even.

On Saturday, August 3, 2013 from 1-2pm at The Memorial Park on East 10th Street in Jim Thorpe, join me at the Local Celebrity Dunk Tank for a great cause.  That’s right, you will have the opportunity to turn this local author (As the Matzo Ball Turns) from a floater into a sinker. That is, if your rubber arm can overcome the insults that will come hurling at you faster than a Randy Johnson fastball.

So, step up to the line and see if you have what it takes to do battle with the man who usually saves the best of his brashness for the Hollywood elite. Ta ta and I hope to see you there.

~JR

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THE ARTIST FORMERLY KNOWN AS JOZEF …

Hear ye, hear ye:

On Saturday, July 13, 2013 from noon to 2pm indie author extraordinaire, Jozef Rothstein, will be back to his Alma Mater, Penn State, for the 2013 Penn State Arts Festival.  Mr. Rothstein will be camped out in front of the Penn State Student Bookstore on 330 East College Avenue, State College, PA 16801 for this limited engagement. So pack your sleeping bags, make room on your itinerary and be sure to hold your place in line in order to grab your signed copy of the great American novel As the Matzo Ball Turns. And whether your are a Penn State Alumni, an art enthusiast, or just someone who enjoys visiting the happiest place on earth on a special event weekend, be sure to come by the table to say hi!!!!  WE ARE … PENN STATE!!!!!

~J.R.

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A LA PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICHES!!!!!!

Dear Fellow Matzotonians:

Come join me for the Grand Opening of the Penn Kidder Library on Friday, June 28, 2013 from 10am to 2pm where you can also purchase a signed copy of As the Matzo Ball Turns. Part of the proceeds will be donated to the new Penn Kidder Library which is the result of some very hard work by a few incredibly dedicated citizens. 

The library resides in the Pine Point Plaza also known as Hazel Park located behind the Car Wash. The Plaza sits at the intersection of Rt. 903 and Rt. 534 in Albrightsville. So come on out, clean your car, check out the library and by all means get yourself a signed copy of the book that is taking Eastern Weissport by storm, As the Matzo Ball Turns.

Hope to see ya there!!!!

~J.R.

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JR RETURNS TO THE HUB!!!!!

Hey, Hey, Hey, It’s Jozeeeefffff Rothstein!!  And I’ll be returning to one of my favorite Barnes and Noble stores, 421 Arena Hub Plaza, Wilkes-Barre, PA 18702 on Saturday, May 18, 2013 from noon to 3pm. This signing will prove to be an exciting one as the remaining votes are tallied for the book of the year award in the humor category by Foreword Reviews. As the Matzo Ball Turns has already been selected as a finalist for this prestigious honor and your support at this critical time is not only deeply appreciated but incredibly necessary. So come on down and bring mom for a belated Mother’s Day gift. I was just kidding, YOU BETTER NOT FORGET ABOUT YOUR MOTHER ON MOTHER’S DAY!!!! Hope to see ya at the signing!

~J.R.

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THE BOOK OF JOZEF!!!!

Dear Matziosos:

On Saturday, April 13th I will be rolling into Lancaster via my horse drawn matzo ball carriage for a book signing at the Lancaster Barnes and Noble, Red Rose Commons, 1700 N. Fruitville Pike, Lancaster, PA 17601.  The event runs from noon to 3pm and promises to be a fun filled event.  So fire up your gas lamps and spreadeth the word as Jozef cometh to town to sign his very humorous book.  And as Levi and Merlin battle for territory we will make matzo ball  history. I hopeth to see you there!!!!

~J.R.

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