Let’s say a law is passed that makes it mandatory for everyone to buy my book “As the Matzo Ball Turns.” You can purchase it from Amazon, Barnes and Noble etc. for slightly different prices and receive it via different delivery methods but you must buy it nonetheless. What is to stop me from raising the price of the book? What if I raise the price to $250 but you think you are getting it for three dollars because you don’t see the hidden costs (taxes) you are paying when you shell out more to go see a movie, rent a DVD, go bowling, buy a tangerine etc. Now maybe in the goodness of my heart I truly want to keep my price at $18.95 but part of the law states that I can only use Pelosi Publishing to print the book. (But we have to pass the bill first so we know what’s in it.) The costs at this particular publishing house do not allow me to keep my book priced at $18.95 because of the ridiculous charge for the publishing services. Who is going to absorb that cost? Yeah, that’s right, you the dupe. Now let’s also say this mandatory law to buy my book includes any future spinoffs that I write. What incentive do I have to write the next great American novel? Ah, you guessed it, none at all.
Okay, now that this law is in effect we need people to read the book, understand it and familiarize themselves with the pitch line so they can explain it to others and tell everyone in America where and how they can get it. Then we need people to take orders, mail out literature on the new law concerning my book, we need people in payroll, we need accountants to keep track of costs, we need a department (The Department of the Matzo Balls) to make sure the program is running effectively and that people have a place to complain about the bluntness of the humor etc. Then we need boots on the ground enforcing the new law to make sure everyone in America owns a copy of As the Matzo Ball Turns. This same team must use fear and intimidation to coerce people into buying my book because maybe there are just some people out there who could give a rats ass about the inner machinations of Hollywood and the restaurant business and will only buy it if there is a steep fine attached for failing to do so.
Now, let’s also say that As the Matzo Ball Turns becomes an overnight success and everybody wants a copy yesterday. And in the midst of this feeding frenzy there are some who’s very lives may be saved from reading this book. But, demand is too high in relation to the supply. Who gets the book first? Who chooses?
And speaking of political favors, what if I have a creative difference with the law maker responsible for this new law. Now, suddenly he wants someone who will write about his days as a Congressman before and after he got caught sending pictures of his private parts to young girls. He wants someone to capture his story and decides to bring in his cousin Spanky who knows him better than anyone. Soon only Spanky’s books will be purchased because other writers will not be able to entice us to buy their products due to the rising costs we are forced to pay for Spanky’s books.
Isn’t it better for everybody when we chose which books we want to buy and how much we are willing to pay for them? Although in the case of As the Matzo Ball Turns this should be mandatory reading for anyone who dines out in public or has hidden aspirations for a life of fame and fortune in film and television. But I would fight to the death for you to have the right to choose to buy it over being forced to purchase it. That’s what makes me a true American!
Dear Disenfranchised Blog Reader:
Are you tired of getting these annoying updates telling you where the next big book signing is going to be? Have you reached your limit with witty humor and snippy comments? Well then, here’s your chance to get even.
On Saturday, August 3, 2013 from 1-2pm at The Memorial Park on East 10th Street in Jim Thorpe, join me at the Local Celebrity Dunk Tank for a great cause. That’s right, you will have the opportunity to turn this local author (As the Matzo Ball Turns) from a floater into a sinker. That is, if your rubber arm can overcome the insults that will come hurling at you faster than a Randy Johnson fastball.
So, step up to the line and see if you have what it takes to do battle with the man who usually saves the best of his brashness for the Hollywood elite. Ta ta and I hope to see you there.
Hear ye, hear ye:
On Saturday, July 13, 2013 from noon to 2pm indie author extraordinaire, Jozef Rothstein, will be back to his Alma Mater, Penn State, for the 2013 Penn State Arts Festival. Mr. Rothstein will be camped out in front of the Penn State Student Bookstore on 330 East College Avenue, State College, PA 16801 for this limited engagement. So pack your sleeping bags, make room on your itinerary and be sure to hold your place in line in order to grab your signed copy of the great American novel As the Matzo Ball Turns. And whether your are a Penn State Alumni, an art enthusiast, or just someone who enjoys visiting the happiest place on earth on a special event weekend, be sure to come by the table to say hi!!!! WE ARE … PENN STATE!!!!!
Dear Fellow Matzotonians:
Come join me for the Grand Opening of the Penn Kidder Library on Friday, June 28, 2013 from 10am to 2pm where you can also purchase a signed copy of As the Matzo Ball Turns. Part of the proceeds will be donated to the new Penn Kidder Library which is the result of some very hard work by a few incredibly dedicated citizens.
The library resides in the Pine Point Plaza also known as Hazel Park located behind the Car Wash. The Plaza sits at the intersection of Rt. 903 and Rt. 534 in Albrightsville. So come on out, clean your car, check out the library and by all means get yourself a signed copy of the book that is taking Eastern Weissport by storm, As the Matzo Ball Turns.
Hope to see ya there!!!!
Hey, Hey, Hey, It’s Jozeeeefffff Rothstein!! And I’ll be returning to one of my favorite Barnes and Noble stores, 421 Arena Hub Plaza, Wilkes-Barre, PA 18702 on Saturday, May 18, 2013 from noon to 3pm. This signing will prove to be an exciting one as the remaining votes are tallied for the book of the year award in the humor category by Foreword Reviews. As the Matzo Ball Turns has already been selected as a finalist for this prestigious honor and your support at this critical time is not only deeply appreciated but incredibly necessary. So come on down and bring mom for a belated Mother’s Day gift. I was just kidding, YOU BETTER NOT FORGET ABOUT YOUR MOTHER ON MOTHER’S DAY!!!! Hope to see ya at the signing!
On Saturday, April 13th I will be rolling into Lancaster via my horse drawn matzo ball carriage for a book signing at the Lancaster Barnes and Noble, Red Rose Commons, 1700 N. Fruitville Pike, Lancaster, PA 17601. The event runs from noon to 3pm and promises to be a fun filled event. So fire up your gas lamps and spreadeth the word as Jozef cometh to town to sign his very humorous book. And as Levi and Merlin battle for territory we will make matzo ball history. I hopeth to see you there!!!!
As the Matzo Ball Turns recently made it’s debut in Oregon state via ATMBT spokesperson/model Steven Grissinger as seen in the following pictures. Enjoy the beauty of the surroundings and the strong message each one of these pictures conveys as Steven takes you on a virtual tour of Duck country while the matzo ball turns through this gorgeous west coast state!!! ~J.R.
Dear Matzo Ball Faithful:
You can feel the anticipation building in the air as the 60 plus judges made up of librarians and book sellers dwindle down their choices for the gold, silver and bronze prizes in the Foreword Reviews book of the year awards. As the Matzo Ball Turns is one of seven finalists in the humor category (and not horror category as some of you might think, myself included). Keep your fingers crossed and please continue to spread the word about this book as the success of this great American novel depends on you. Thank you all for your support and encouragement and hopefully we bring home the gold (or at least a year’s supply of tuna fish). Ta Ta and thanks again!!!
Dear Fellow Matzo Ballers:
This upcoming Sunday, February 24, 2013 everybody’s favorite disenfranchised actor/waiter will be making his first public appearance of the new year on the Wax Museum radio show on 95.3 and 103.9 FM in Syracuse, New York.
You don’t have to live in the Syracuse area to listen in on the fun. Just click on http://www.wvoaradio.com/listenonline.html to check out the live broadcast. The show starts at 7pm but yours truly will be going live around 8pm.
I hope you all can tune in for lots of laughs and startling tales from LA LA Land!!! Happy listening!!!
PS If you do live in the Syracuse area and/or know someone who does, please come out to and/or spread the word about the booksigning on Monday February 25, 2013 at the Dewitt Barnes and Noble, 3454 Erie Boulevard East, Dewitt, NY 13214 which takes place from 6-8pm. Hope to see you there!!!!!!
As promised, the following pics are of all the fun people who picked up a copy of “As the Matzo Ball Turns” at the Plymouth Meeting booksigning this past December 2012. I hope you all enjoy the book and I wish you a very happy, healthy, and prosperous New Year!!!!!!
~Charles “Dickens” Rothstein a.k.a Jozef Rothstein